There’s a belief that “ruts” happen from multiple passes over the same territory, whether they’re from repetitive thinking or from tires and the weight of a vehicle, and I’d argue that rather often, that’s simply not the case. Simply put, a rut is one experience that left an indelible mark on us, or on the ground. These mental ruts are the hallmark of neurodivergence, something that’s now being described as monotropism, or an interest in a limited number of things at any given time, and they’re not something to smooth over or to remove. Let me share with you a real-life example of how these ruts form.
In my driveway there is a rather deep and singular tire rut. It happened not over multiple trips, but rather one day in which the frost was leaving the ground and we’d had a couple inches of rain. I was returning home and to say the ground was squishy was a bit of an understatement. One trip up my driveway and there was the near-perfect replica of my tire’s path, which remains to this day, several weeks later.
This rut isn’t bad. It’s not a problem. And it doesn’t need to be fixed so that the ground over which my tire passed conforms to the relatively smooth and flat driveway next to it. The same is true with our neurodivergent brains. Instead, I’m aware of this rut, and I do take steps like driving on either side of it, to try and even the ground out, but for the most part, I know it’s there, and if I do bump into it, I acknowledge it and go on with my trip up the driveway. Why am I telling you about my driveway (in the Ozarks, after all, so rough ground is a given), when I promised to talk about “negative” thoughts?
The truth is, those negative thoughts and feelings we experience are much the same way. There’s too much of an effort placed on “removing” those negative thoughts and assigning a value judgment to them–namely that they’re bad (cue horror music)–so that one believes that they are somehow flawed or doing something wrong. We use this judgment to be unkind and uncaring to ourselves, rather than being mindful and aware of them.
The negative thoughts, the rut to continue with the metaphor, happened because something occurred, or many somethings, which made an impression on us. How do we handle this? We become aware of them, not to avoid them, because sometimes that’s not desired or possible, but rather so that we can adjust our path, even slightly.
The monotropic focus on a few interests at once, like those thoughts, does not deserve the value judgments that society has placed on us. I, like many of you, I’m sure, function best when I can focus on one thing at a time .Right now, this blog. If I have to focus on something else (like my work pc because an email just came in), I get frustrated, upset, I may even cuss a little. (I work from home and the only one who hears me is the cat, so it’s all good.) However this morning I awakened, remember it was a Federal Holiday, and due to work situations I won’t relate here, knew that meant diddly squat, and thus the well worn track of how I think about my job started up in my brain, which then hit a bigger rut of negative self-talk.
Why am I telling you this? Why am I admitting this? Because it happens to all of us, and I want you know two things. First, you’re not alone! Second, just because I’m neurodivergent and very monotropic, doesn’t mean that I can’t be aware of what is happening. And it’s in that awareness that I find the rut holds a little less power over me. I’m not affixed to the rut like being fastened to an amusement park ride and subject to its whims.
Monotropism means that I become aware of the thought pattern. “Hey, I’m thinking those thoughts about my job again.” I then can do two things. First, if I don’t want to be thinking about my job because it’s my morning routine and I’m feeding the horses, then I’ll focus on that, because my animals, and especially my horses and their care, is a big part of my special interests, and let’s face it, smooching horse faces (much to their chagrin) is a lot more fun than thinking about a sucky employer.
To me, monotropism means that my limited interests at any given time are not immutable. I am not fixed, rigid in my thinking on every single level as the modern psychology practice would have people believe about neurodivergent people. I simply give my brain something better to think about.
In doing so it doesn’t erase the situation with the negative thoughts. For example, if you’re an author concerned about low sales, constantly thinking about the numbers on your KDP report, and then focusing on something better for a time doesn’t make the problem go away. It does allow you to shift, just slightly, into something that’s pleasurable for you. This then, usually provides the space for different thoughts, space for you to take action.
The important thing is to remember that while monotropism, or a limited focus at any given time, may make it more likely that we’d fall into those well-worn paths, it also means that we can be more aware of them. Which is why I focus on a lot of self-compassion and self-actualization. By realizing that I am not broken, and I am not a bad person or have a bad or broken brain because of the way it works, I then shift out of society’s ruts and am able to stand outside of them and think about where I want to go and what I want to do — not what anyone else wants me to think or do about or for myself and my situation.
Which ties into my next topic for next week.
